How to Control Anger in Work Relationships
Posted: Tuesday, February 16, 2010
by Carolyn Tytler
There was once an office worker who was rushing to get an important memo copied and distributed before closing time. He rushed to the copying machine with only minutes to spare, to find it was out of order.
He let loose a string of obscenities just as the manager was passing, kicked the machine, bruised his toe, and hip-hopped back to his desk, hurling an insult at a neighboring worker on the way.
Anger triggers definite physical reactions: muscles tense, heart rate quickens, blood pressure rises and the "fight or flight" hormone, adrenaline, is released.
Anger also affects the mind. It can give rise to misleading thoughts that, given a chance to consider, the sufferer would realize were not true at all. In a fit of anger the individual may feel that everyone is against him, that all those around him are hopelessly stupid, or that no one ever listens to him.
Problems arise when the angry person gives into his emotions, and lashes out thoughtlessly at people or objects in his environment. In a child, such behavior would be labelled a "temper tantrum". Unfortunately, there are adults who never outgrow this childish behavior and they can make life extremely unpleasant for those around them.
A healthy response to anger is to acknowledge it, realize it's OK to be angry and to channel the energy into finding a solution to the problem, rather than lashing out at everyone and everything in the surrounding area.
Sometimes this cannot be done immediately. Here are some suggestions to help in anger management not only in the workplace, but also in other situations:
* Count to ten. It's old advice but it works. It gives you time to think of an appropriate response to what is, probably, just an annoyance.
* Keep your professional image in mind. How will a temper tantrum affect your career? How will it be viewed by your boss and your fellow employees? You must admit it will probably be in a very negative way.
* Take a break. Go for coffee, go to the washroom, phone home and ask what's for supper. Do something to take your mind off the situation for a few minutes.
* Once you're calm, address the problem. It's unhealthy to keep anger bottled up. If the object of your anger is a person, approach him in a non-confrontational manner. Tell him you have a problem and ask for help in solving it.
Do not place blame. Use "I" statements when describing the problem.
"I'm sorry I can't get the memos out, because the copier is broken".
If you are frustrated because of an object or a machine, take steps to get it repaired or replaced.
* Go for a brisk walk. Physical activity provides an outlet for strong emotions.
* Practice relaxation techniques. Do deep-breathing exercises, repeat a calming word to yourself over and over, visualize a relaxing scene and mentally place yourself in it.
* Lighten up. Use humor to diffuse tension. Most situations have a funny side if you look for it.
* Don't hold a grudge. Once the situation is resolved, forget it. Harboring resentment only hurts you.
The office worker described above returned to his desk, closed his eyes, and mentally repeated "Serenity" one hundred times. Then he approached his manager, explained the situation, apologized for his outburst, and suggested the repair man be summoned to fix the copier. He stopped on the way home at a business supply store and got the memo copied there. It was distributed first thing the next morning.
He also brought his colleague a coffee and delivered it with an apology for his angry words the previous day. All was forgiven.
Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion. It is how it is managed that is important. Every business executive must learn to focus his anger on problem-solving, rather than on throwing temper tantrums, before he ascends to the top of the ladder of success.
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