How Normal Parents Prepare Their Teens for Adulthood
Posted: Monday, January 04, 2010
by Carolyn Tytler
Preparing a child for adulthood must start long before the teenage years. Teaching must begin when the child is young and be carried through in a consistent manner, increasing in scope and complexity as the child matures.
Although all parents and family situations are different, it is possible to suggest general principles which will prepare all children and teens to be content, well-adjusted adults who are a credit to their family, their community and their country.
* Lead by example. Children absorb the attitudes, behaviours and habits of the people with whom they live. When they see the family wage-earners going to work daily, and both parents cooperating to do cleaning, cooking and other household chores, they come to understand that everyone needs to contribute to the welfare of the family.
* Assign age-appropriate chores in the home as the child grows. He or she can begin with simple tasks such as setting the table, or taking out the garbage. Later, he should assume responsibility for keeping his room tidy. She can prepare a simple meal once a week for the family.
* Emphasize that the young person's main responsibility at this stage in life is to get an education. It is difficult to become a successful, self-supporting adult in contemporary society without at least a high school diploma. If marks and test results start to decline, the parents must show concern and take measures to reverse the trend as quickly and as forcefully as possible.
* The child needs to be socialized. Give him plenty of opportunities to mix amicably with other people of all age groups. She should visit restaurants, movies, and malls and learn to behave appropriately in all circumstances. Adults do not live in isolation. They need to interact graciously with different types of people in a variety of milieus. As the child and later the teen matures, they should improve their social skills so they can converse pleasantly with anyone in diverse situations.
* It is normal and encouraging when a teenager seeks greater independence. This may be time for the first part-time job, as long as his schoolwork doesn't suffer. The type of job doesn't matter as long as it allows him to continue developing his sense of responsibility and his social skills. He will also learn to manage his time so he can accomplish everything on his schedule and still leave a little time for fun.
* When the teen shows he or she is handling his social life, schoolwork, and part-time employment well, parents can start to gradually loosen the apron strings and trust him with more responsibility. This may be time to go on a short vacation and leave the teen home alone to look after himself and the house. Soon he'll be off to college or university and he needs practice in being on his own.
These are general principles which most parents try to follow to prepare their child and later, their teen to prepare for adult life. There are no such beings as "normal" parents, nor are there any perfectly "normal" teens. These are guidelines and there will be detours and obstacles along the way for every family.
As the song says, "All You Need Is Love", and determination, and perhaps a bit of cussedness during the teenage years. A keen sense of humor helps too.
It's important not to lose enthusiasm or hope. If you stop and look around, you'll notice that most young adults turn out alright because of, or perhaps in spite of, their parents' best efforts.
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