Can You Be Friends with Someone Who Had an Affair with Your Spouse?
Posted: Wednesday, December 30, 2009
by Carolyn Tytler
Why would you even consider being friends with someone who had an affair with your spouse? This person is just not someone who would make a good friend or even an acceptable acquaintance. Here are some reasons why:
* They are amoral. When the friendship began, they probably learned your spouse was legally wed to someone else. They learned about the children who depended on him or her and about the legal and moral responsibilities which your spouse had willingly assumed. Yet they allowed the relationship to develop to the stage of intimacy without respect for the laws of God or man.
* They are selfish. Did they consider the feelings of your spouse's children or mate when they entered the affair? Not likely. They saw something they wanted and took it, without regard for any damage their behavior would inflict on others.
* They are untrustworthy. If they couldn't be trusted with the one person who was the most important mainstay in your life, how could you ever possibly consider them a friend and trust them with lesser matters?
* They are short-sighted. They will never have the advantage of being the "one and only" in your spouse's life. Even if the affair proceeds to the point of marriage, the interloper will always be the second choice. Ex-spouses entering second marriages carry a lot of baggage, not to mention financial and custodial obligations to the former family.
* Let's be honest. In time, the wild attraction of a new affair cools off. Most married couples after ten years have much different relationships than they did in the first few months of passionate wedded bliss.
If you befriend this person who "borrowed" your spouse for a fling, or even for a more permanent relationship, eventually you'll have to listen to sorrowful tales of how your mate didn't live up to expectations, ( as if you didn't already know!)
Worst of all, you may find the unworthy specimen of a supposedly-faithful, reliable and loving spouse dumped right back in your lap when your "friend" once again moves on to greener pastures. Is that what you really want?
Ask yourself honestly: "Do I really want a friend who is amoral, selfish, untrustworthy, and short-sighted?" In fact, when you think about it, these very same qualities are equally applicable to your unfaithful spouse. They deserve each other!
The wisest decision you can make is to distance yourself from both of them as quickly and completely as possible. The world is filled with millions of nice people. Your own city probably contains thousands, many potential new friends and possible unattached, romantic interests. Leave the losers to enjoy each others' company and reach out boldly to embrace a new and better tomorrow.
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Top-level comments on this article: (2 total)Interesting article, Carolyn. I do feel your assessment of the interloper being "amoral" is a bit strong. Dumb, inconsiderate, selfish, yes, but amoral seems to encompass everything they are, and I doubt that ever completely applies. Personally, my first anger would be directed at my spouse.
You're right, Joyce, the spouse deserves the lion's share of a mate's wrath. However, neither participant in an affair like this is blameless. They are both untrustworthy, self-centered and certainly not shining examples of moral rectitude. I think any decent person would be better off without both of them.
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